After last winter's record snowfall and bitter cold, many began to doubt if they would ever see grass on their lawn again. But with the Mother's Day snowfall in Denver now melted, it looks as if we are again at a place where we can get serious about our lawns. With that being the case, we are now on a quest to find the perfect combination of weed retardant chemicals; rich, organic soil; perfectly suited nutrients; and life-giving water in order to produce a full, lush, green lawn: the envy of homeowners around the nation -- or at least down our street.
This is the time of year debates begin to break out in the lawn and garden sectors of your favorite home improvement stores. Will it be Bermuda or fescue? -- Kentucky bluegrass or zoysia? -- sod or seed? It also seems folks have an equally strong opinion on such things as aerating, feeding, weeding and watering. Nothing gets guys going like a hearty discussion over the grill about the merits of maintaining a perfect lawn.
And if those topics aren't enough to generate heated debates, the whole subject of how and when to cut lawns can keep guys talking until the last burger is scooped off the grill.
In spite of all the differences, the goal of each man is to have the perfect lawn, i.e. one the greens keepers at the Augusta Country Club would be proud to show.
Now I'll let you in on a little secret. In spite of what the man next door with the green lawn thinks, I have the perfect lawn. The front yard is usually brown, except for the bright green patch over to the side. This is where the kids set up the sprinkler or the Slip-N-Slide. On hot summer days the sounds of squealing children can be heard as neighborhood kids run through the water, slide down the watery runway, and create huge mud holes in an otherwise mediocre lawn. When I look at the splotchy patches I have to smile, knowing how my lawn has given kids dozens of summertime memories.
And the backyard?
Well, it's not much better, with its worn, brown patches of dirt outlining a baseball field. The path from "home" to "first" is the most treaded, while the line from "third" to "home" shows some promise that grass might grow again -- the result of too many men left stranded on base.
For me the perfect lawn is the one kids feel free to run over, creating their own little universe: a ball park one day, a jungle the next.
Someday I may have the lawn men envy, but for now, it's the one kids enjoy, and that makes me smile.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Vacation Time
The other day I was sitting on the couch, happily engaged in watching the latest from ESPN, when I was interrupted by my wife, taking a seat next to me. I glanced over and knew I was in trouble; she was holding a pen and calendar. Experience has long taught me what soon follows is a detailed presentation of things I need to do around the house. This wasn't the case however. Instead, it was time to plan our family vacation.
Vacations usually mean we pack up the family's must-haves into the car and hit the road. Now, lest some of you think less of me, I am not opposed to vacations per say. What frustrates me is driving with three children buckled into car seats, holding me hostage for hours as I try to concentrate on the road, all the while buffeted by the sounds of "music" coming from behind me. I know children need to exercise their lungs, but the piercing tones of their playful, little voices are sometimes more than I can handle.
But I digress. So my wife and I started going through the "list." It contains all the options we consider when planning vacations. This year near the top was "visiting family," with number two being "an educational experience for the kids."
I started to perk up. What could be more educational than a road trip to visit some of the major baseball parks in North America? It was a perfect no-brainer. There would be geography and history all rolled into one. And if we were really lucky, we might even catch a game or two.
Ever perceptive, my wife zeroed in on my thoughts, delivering a preemptive strike: "I was thinking we could visit some museums and then take the kids to see the largest shopping mall in North America."
I started wishing work would call, telling me all unused vacation time has been cancelled indefinitely.
Men, vacations are things we may not see as necessary, since many guys don't use all the vacation time they're allotted, but they are very important.
Vacations are not about the destination. Taking a vacation is about recharging one's internal battery, renewing one's broader perspective and, hopefully, reconnecting in a positive way with your mate and kids.
No matter how tempted you are to choose work over vacation, it's better to take some time away from the job, for some great memories are made on vacation.
For example, there was the time my parents took us to the beach. My brothers and I were fighting over a beach ball in the back seat, when lo and behold the ball jumped out the open car window. We still don't remember how the ball ended up on the highway, but we'll never forget dad's reaction as he watched it bounce off cars and sail into the air. Rather than earning us his ire and a disciplinary action, he gave a shrug and a chuckle, musing how some lucky kid will soon be the owner of a new beach ball. Dad may have wanted to say something more, but he didn't want to kill the fun we were having.
After all, we were on vacation.
Where are you going this year?
Vacations usually mean we pack up the family's must-haves into the car and hit the road. Now, lest some of you think less of me, I am not opposed to vacations per say. What frustrates me is driving with three children buckled into car seats, holding me hostage for hours as I try to concentrate on the road, all the while buffeted by the sounds of "music" coming from behind me. I know children need to exercise their lungs, but the piercing tones of their playful, little voices are sometimes more than I can handle.
But I digress. So my wife and I started going through the "list." It contains all the options we consider when planning vacations. This year near the top was "visiting family," with number two being "an educational experience for the kids."
I started to perk up. What could be more educational than a road trip to visit some of the major baseball parks in North America? It was a perfect no-brainer. There would be geography and history all rolled into one. And if we were really lucky, we might even catch a game or two.
Ever perceptive, my wife zeroed in on my thoughts, delivering a preemptive strike: "I was thinking we could visit some museums and then take the kids to see the largest shopping mall in North America."
I started wishing work would call, telling me all unused vacation time has been cancelled indefinitely.
Men, vacations are things we may not see as necessary, since many guys don't use all the vacation time they're allotted, but they are very important.
Vacations are not about the destination. Taking a vacation is about recharging one's internal battery, renewing one's broader perspective and, hopefully, reconnecting in a positive way with your mate and kids.
No matter how tempted you are to choose work over vacation, it's better to take some time away from the job, for some great memories are made on vacation.
For example, there was the time my parents took us to the beach. My brothers and I were fighting over a beach ball in the back seat, when lo and behold the ball jumped out the open car window. We still don't remember how the ball ended up on the highway, but we'll never forget dad's reaction as he watched it bounce off cars and sail into the air. Rather than earning us his ire and a disciplinary action, he gave a shrug and a chuckle, musing how some lucky kid will soon be the owner of a new beach ball. Dad may have wanted to say something more, but he didn't want to kill the fun we were having.
After all, we were on vacation.
Where are you going this year?
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
But How?
Much has been said and written about the influence a man has on the life of a boy. As guys we know the influence men have had in our growing-up years, especially our father and for a fortunate few, granddads. However, some of us grew up without a dad and had other male mentors shape our lives. For some it might have been an uncle, while others might have had a coach or a neighbor fill that role. No matter who he was that person was instrumental in shaping our perspective about what it meant to be a man living out all his roles: employee, friend, son, husband, father, etc.
So we know the importance of boys having male role models, but how can we be that person in the life of a young man without a male in his life?
As was recently pointed out to me, if you spend too much time with boys you may be looked at with some misgiving. And if you go up to children you're not related to or familiar with -- and sometimes even if you are -- you can appear to those who don't know you or the situation, with even sharper suspicion. So how can we effectively be the mentor our young men need, especially if there is no male in their life?
The answer is that I really don't have an answer. Every situation is different. However, there are some tried-and-true ways to be an influence in the life of a young man that should not cause undue reservation. (This applies based on the assumption you are above reproach, honest, and know how to set boundaries.)
One way is to be involved in structured, recognizable youth organizations like the Boy Scouts, Big Brother, and the like. These groups always need reliable men of good character to volunteer to be involved in the life of young men. As a scout leader or big brother you have the opportunity to share your knowledge. Your life, words and actions will also give the boys a glimpse into what it is to be a masculine leader in today's society.
Many schools today would welcome a male to volunteer in the lives of its students. A visit to the principal's office will give you an idea of how and where you can get involved. For those active in a church, offering to teach at vacation Bible school or Sunday school are two ways you can impart your wisdom to students and enhance their lives.
There are many ways to be involved in the lives of young men around us, the real trick is to find what works for you and pursue it. What are your aptitudes and interests? What skills or knowledge do you have that would benefit the lives of young men growing up? How can you make a difference in the situation and circumstances of young men who could learn a lot from you?
As for me, I enjoyed my stint as a scout leader. If you're stuck on how to get involved, this might be a good place to begin. If this doesn't fit your style, go online and plug some keywords into your web browser, and see what ideas you come up with.
You may find your talents, skills and experience are a good match for helping others navigate their way through the oft-times perilous waters of becoming a man.
So we know the importance of boys having male role models, but how can we be that person in the life of a young man without a male in his life?
As was recently pointed out to me, if you spend too much time with boys you may be looked at with some misgiving. And if you go up to children you're not related to or familiar with -- and sometimes even if you are -- you can appear to those who don't know you or the situation, with even sharper suspicion. So how can we effectively be the mentor our young men need, especially if there is no male in their life?
The answer is that I really don't have an answer. Every situation is different. However, there are some tried-and-true ways to be an influence in the life of a young man that should not cause undue reservation. (This applies based on the assumption you are above reproach, honest, and know how to set boundaries.)
One way is to be involved in structured, recognizable youth organizations like the Boy Scouts, Big Brother, and the like. These groups always need reliable men of good character to volunteer to be involved in the life of young men. As a scout leader or big brother you have the opportunity to share your knowledge. Your life, words and actions will also give the boys a glimpse into what it is to be a masculine leader in today's society.
Many schools today would welcome a male to volunteer in the lives of its students. A visit to the principal's office will give you an idea of how and where you can get involved. For those active in a church, offering to teach at vacation Bible school or Sunday school are two ways you can impart your wisdom to students and enhance their lives.
There are many ways to be involved in the lives of young men around us, the real trick is to find what works for you and pursue it. What are your aptitudes and interests? What skills or knowledge do you have that would benefit the lives of young men growing up? How can you make a difference in the situation and circumstances of young men who could learn a lot from you?
As for me, I enjoyed my stint as a scout leader. If you're stuck on how to get involved, this might be a good place to begin. If this doesn't fit your style, go online and plug some keywords into your web browser, and see what ideas you come up with.
You may find your talents, skills and experience are a good match for helping others navigate their way through the oft-times perilous waters of becoming a man.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
The Garage Sale
For some of us, garage sales are opportunities to make a few bucks. Either we scour them for bargains we can resell later on Craigslist or eBay, or we're clearing out clutter accumulated over the last few years. Having moved a time or two in my life, I am more familiar with the second type of garage sale: getting rid of boxes of stuff that live under the stairs, in the basement, and over the garage. It seems I can store three boxes of clothes, and the next thing I know there are ten for me to remove. It's amazing how we accumulate stuff.
Recently, I was helping a friend in his garage sale. He and his wife are planning to sell their house, so the couple wanted to take advantage of their neighborhood's weekend garage sale to clear out their storage areas.
Now having three kids under the age of five meant they had piles of clothes theses young ones would never wear again. He asked me if I would help him price the items.
Being the kind of guy I am I said, "Sure!"
The first box was full of newborn boy's outfits. We spent three innings of the baseball game examining each piece for condition, frayed edges and, most of all, stains. Each piece was held up, evaluated a bit, and priced accordingly, ranging from $4 to $.25. At this rate I figured we'd be done by the end of the game.
Then his wife pulled out the other 25 boxes of clothes -- in all sizes, boys and girls.
At this spectacle, either the game would be a record-setting, extra-inning affair going into the wee hours, or we'd have to drastically change our pricing technique. Undeterred by this tsunami of kids' clothes, we got into the flow of things: pants were $1, shirts $.25 and, if something looked really good, it was $.50.
We laid out eight tables of kids clothes and arranged the other miscellaneous stuff in an attractive setting. Then we waited.
Three days later he had $700 firmly in hand, mostly by selling $.25 outfits. Now that was a lot of clothes!
My friend announced the results to his wife with the admonition, "Let's not accumulate that much -- ever again."
Gentlemen, that's good advice for all of us.
Each one of us carries around boxes of "stuff." Some are filled to overflowing with regrets; some are marked, "bad decisions"; others just say, "Stuff I don't feel good about." Maybe it's time we clean out those boxes, and pitch them to the curb. After all, there's nothing there to be passed on or resold, it's garbage. We need to let go of them and give ourselves a fresh start, with the resolution we will not accumulate that many items, ever again.
In truth, I'm on my way to drop off a box of "should haves" at the local church. In exchange for it, I'll take home some sweet words of forgiveness and relish in the fact my load just got lighter.
Good luck getting rid of some dead weight this week.
Recently, I was helping a friend in his garage sale. He and his wife are planning to sell their house, so the couple wanted to take advantage of their neighborhood's weekend garage sale to clear out their storage areas.
Now having three kids under the age of five meant they had piles of clothes theses young ones would never wear again. He asked me if I would help him price the items.
Being the kind of guy I am I said, "Sure!"
The first box was full of newborn boy's outfits. We spent three innings of the baseball game examining each piece for condition, frayed edges and, most of all, stains. Each piece was held up, evaluated a bit, and priced accordingly, ranging from $4 to $.25. At this rate I figured we'd be done by the end of the game.
Then his wife pulled out the other 25 boxes of clothes -- in all sizes, boys and girls.
At this spectacle, either the game would be a record-setting, extra-inning affair going into the wee hours, or we'd have to drastically change our pricing technique. Undeterred by this tsunami of kids' clothes, we got into the flow of things: pants were $1, shirts $.25 and, if something looked really good, it was $.50.
We laid out eight tables of kids clothes and arranged the other miscellaneous stuff in an attractive setting. Then we waited.
Three days later he had $700 firmly in hand, mostly by selling $.25 outfits. Now that was a lot of clothes!
My friend announced the results to his wife with the admonition, "Let's not accumulate that much -- ever again."
Gentlemen, that's good advice for all of us.
Each one of us carries around boxes of "stuff." Some are filled to overflowing with regrets; some are marked, "bad decisions"; others just say, "Stuff I don't feel good about." Maybe it's time we clean out those boxes, and pitch them to the curb. After all, there's nothing there to be passed on or resold, it's garbage. We need to let go of them and give ourselves a fresh start, with the resolution we will not accumulate that many items, ever again.
In truth, I'm on my way to drop off a box of "should haves" at the local church. In exchange for it, I'll take home some sweet words of forgiveness and relish in the fact my load just got lighter.
Good luck getting rid of some dead weight this week.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Distracted Driving
With the coming of cell phones much has been written and discussed about distracted driving. Most of us have had the experience of the car next to us drifting into our lane, causing us to honk, brake, swerve and comment sharply on the driver's erratic moves, only to discover he or she was looking down at a cell phone -- presumably texting. This would be classified as distracted driving.
We have also likely witnessed the driver in front of us engaged in an animated conversation on the phone, gesticulating passionately about the call. Soon the car seems to be following the gestures: weaving, bobbing and faking like an NBA guard. This weaving, however, may have more disastrous consequences than anything in the NBA. This too would be classified as distracted driving.
As most parents can attest, distracted driving isn't always due to texting or a phone call; it can result from some altercation involving siblings. One of the more common squabbles involves personal space and the other sibling's invasion of it. Most of the time the dispute ends with an ear-splitting, high-decibel screaming of the word, "Daaaaad!"
This sudden noise will make all but the most hardened road warriors jolt. With that jolt the vehicle often makes a sudden swerve out of its traffic lane. This, too, qualifies as distracted driving.
Not long ago I experienced a different kind of distracted driving. I was on a long road trip and purchased an audio book to listen to for the drive. I was so engrossed in the book I failed to notice my gas gauge. When I finally did I pulled into the nearest gas station and put 11.49 gallons into a tank that holds 11.5. That was distracted driving.
Men, we all know what it's like to witness others who are driving while distracted, but we must confess we have often driven that way ourselves. We prove that it isn't always possible to give our full attention to two tasks at one time.
Thus I am advocating we give our full attention to the most important tasks at hand, especially those that involve our family.
When the woman in our life desires a conversation, it's not enough to mute the TV. Instead, we need to turn it off and give her our complete -- and undivided -- attention.
When our child asks for help with homework, we need to detach ourselves from our preoccupations and give him or her our full consideration.
I know first-hand how hard it is to give one's full concentration to two different tasks. Let's show the people who are most important to us how much we value them as we give them our full attention.
Your focus on the ones you journey with makes the road you travel that much smoother. Take it from one who knows.
We have also likely witnessed the driver in front of us engaged in an animated conversation on the phone, gesticulating passionately about the call. Soon the car seems to be following the gestures: weaving, bobbing and faking like an NBA guard. This weaving, however, may have more disastrous consequences than anything in the NBA. This too would be classified as distracted driving.
As most parents can attest, distracted driving isn't always due to texting or a phone call; it can result from some altercation involving siblings. One of the more common squabbles involves personal space and the other sibling's invasion of it. Most of the time the dispute ends with an ear-splitting, high-decibel screaming of the word, "Daaaaad!"
This sudden noise will make all but the most hardened road warriors jolt. With that jolt the vehicle often makes a sudden swerve out of its traffic lane. This, too, qualifies as distracted driving.
Not long ago I experienced a different kind of distracted driving. I was on a long road trip and purchased an audio book to listen to for the drive. I was so engrossed in the book I failed to notice my gas gauge. When I finally did I pulled into the nearest gas station and put 11.49 gallons into a tank that holds 11.5. That was distracted driving.
Men, we all know what it's like to witness others who are driving while distracted, but we must confess we have often driven that way ourselves. We prove that it isn't always possible to give our full attention to two tasks at one time.
Thus I am advocating we give our full attention to the most important tasks at hand, especially those that involve our family.
When the woman in our life desires a conversation, it's not enough to mute the TV. Instead, we need to turn it off and give her our complete -- and undivided -- attention.
When our child asks for help with homework, we need to detach ourselves from our preoccupations and give him or her our full consideration.
I know first-hand how hard it is to give one's full concentration to two different tasks. Let's show the people who are most important to us how much we value them as we give them our full attention.
Your focus on the ones you journey with makes the road you travel that much smoother. Take it from one who knows.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
I Love You
There's an old joke about a wife who complained to her husband of 35 years that he never tells her he loves her. He replied that he told her he loved her the day they were married and if it ever changes, he'll let her know.
Thankfully, men today don't have quite the issues telling those he loves that he loves them -- but do you go beyond the words?
In other words, how do you show your love for others by your actions?
My wife grew up not receiving many gifts; her family had lots of children and little resources, so presents were a rare thing in her growing-up years. Today I tell her I love her, and show her by giving her a gift. Now lest one get the impression it is about the presents, gifts for her can range from a bar of soap from the hotel I stayed in to a fairly expensive piece of jewelry. For her the gift isn't measured by the amount of money, but by the fact I thought of her and went out of my way to give her a gift tailored to her tastes. For example, there's a bar of soap from one hotel chain that's always a winner, while soap from another wouldn't be quite the hit.
There are some people who really don't care about gifts, no matter what the cost. For them the best way to say "I love you" is to spend time with them. A day, a weekend, a week, the more time spent the better. They enjoy the company of the other person -- so much so that they want to be with them. If you are married to a person who values time together, it may seem as if they are smothering you, but all they are saying is "I want to be with you because I love you."
The best way someone can show their live to me is through touch. I value holding hands with my wife, hugging my children, and getting a good pat on the back from my friends. (Okay, sometimes I enjoy a "man hug" from my best buddy.) My dad and mom often showed their love for one another by holding hands, sometimes even in church. That was imprinted on me as a way to show a spouse she was loved.
For children love can be expressed through actions involving trust -- like my dad saying he loved me as he gave me the keys to the family car for the evening. He trusted me to be safe, treat the car with care, and bring it back with gas in the tank. His trust was something I never wanted to lose.
There are numerous ways to show others your love for them without actually saying it.
How do you show, "I love you"?
Thankfully, men today don't have quite the issues telling those he loves that he loves them -- but do you go beyond the words?
In other words, how do you show your love for others by your actions?
My wife grew up not receiving many gifts; her family had lots of children and little resources, so presents were a rare thing in her growing-up years. Today I tell her I love her, and show her by giving her a gift. Now lest one get the impression it is about the presents, gifts for her can range from a bar of soap from the hotel I stayed in to a fairly expensive piece of jewelry. For her the gift isn't measured by the amount of money, but by the fact I thought of her and went out of my way to give her a gift tailored to her tastes. For example, there's a bar of soap from one hotel chain that's always a winner, while soap from another wouldn't be quite the hit.
There are some people who really don't care about gifts, no matter what the cost. For them the best way to say "I love you" is to spend time with them. A day, a weekend, a week, the more time spent the better. They enjoy the company of the other person -- so much so that they want to be with them. If you are married to a person who values time together, it may seem as if they are smothering you, but all they are saying is "I want to be with you because I love you."
The best way someone can show their live to me is through touch. I value holding hands with my wife, hugging my children, and getting a good pat on the back from my friends. (Okay, sometimes I enjoy a "man hug" from my best buddy.) My dad and mom often showed their love for one another by holding hands, sometimes even in church. That was imprinted on me as a way to show a spouse she was loved.
For children love can be expressed through actions involving trust -- like my dad saying he loved me as he gave me the keys to the family car for the evening. He trusted me to be safe, treat the car with care, and bring it back with gas in the tank. His trust was something I never wanted to lose.
There are numerous ways to show others your love for them without actually saying it.
How do you show, "I love you"?
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
What Would You Not Do?
Not too long ago a little girl who is very near and dear to my heart whispered to me what she really, really wanted for her birthday: "a pair of blue binoculars with white snowflakes on them. I don't want a toy one; I want a really real one that I can use to see things far away. I want to see princes and caribou and snow monsters far away from me."
Being very much in love with this little girl I set out on a quest to find "really real," blue binoculars with white snowflakes on them.
Needless to say, there are not many choices for such items. So I did what any guy would do when faced with a challenge: I improvised.
An inexpensive pair of black binoculars, some blue paint, and a sticker book, along with hours of detailing were all that were needed to fulfill this precious girl's wish. That's what guys do.
I can't think of much I wouldn't do for those I love and those who love me.
I have been known to give up watching football to sit for hours and hours at a dance recital -- just to glimpse three minutes of a little angel dressed in pink gauze flit across the stage.
I have given up working in the yard to sit in a crowded schoolroom to witness a nervous boy take his turn spelling words in the classroom spelling bee.
I have forfeited a night out with the boys to take my wife to the latest must-see (hers, not mine) romantic comedy. (I must confess the lack of car chases put me on the nods, and the only "body count" was how many women's hearts the male lead had broken.)
But, of course, these examples pale against a display of the truest kind of love.
It may have been in a Sunday school class or a Bible study where we first encountered this love. It may have been grasped in a heart-to-heart conversation with a friend or through the inspired teaching of a godly man. Then again, it may have taken all these connections and more for God's love to break through.
But when He did, we knew there wasn't a thing He would not do for us.
Confirming this fact once more will be the victorious words you'll hear this coming Easter Sunday in church. As you celebrate this awesome day, take time to reflect on the Resurrection story; it's a story about new beginnings for each of us.
A blessed Easter to you from the Men's NetWork!
Being very much in love with this little girl I set out on a quest to find "really real," blue binoculars with white snowflakes on them.
Needless to say, there are not many choices for such items. So I did what any guy would do when faced with a challenge: I improvised.
An inexpensive pair of black binoculars, some blue paint, and a sticker book, along with hours of detailing were all that were needed to fulfill this precious girl's wish. That's what guys do.
I can't think of much I wouldn't do for those I love and those who love me.
I have been known to give up watching football to sit for hours and hours at a dance recital -- just to glimpse three minutes of a little angel dressed in pink gauze flit across the stage.
I have given up working in the yard to sit in a crowded schoolroom to witness a nervous boy take his turn spelling words in the classroom spelling bee.
I have forfeited a night out with the boys to take my wife to the latest must-see (hers, not mine) romantic comedy. (I must confess the lack of car chases put me on the nods, and the only "body count" was how many women's hearts the male lead had broken.)
But, of course, these examples pale against a display of the truest kind of love.
It may have been in a Sunday school class or a Bible study where we first encountered this love. It may have been grasped in a heart-to-heart conversation with a friend or through the inspired teaching of a godly man. Then again, it may have taken all these connections and more for God's love to break through.
But when He did, we knew there wasn't a thing He would not do for us.
Confirming this fact once more will be the victorious words you'll hear this coming Easter Sunday in church. As you celebrate this awesome day, take time to reflect on the Resurrection story; it's a story about new beginnings for each of us.
A blessed Easter to you from the Men's NetWork!
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