Of Gran Torinos and Aging Backwards

We don't do movie reviews. But I'm going to do a movie review anyway. Take the money you were planning to spend to see Timothy Buttons (or whatever his name is) grow younger for three hours that seems like a week and spend it on watching Clint Eastwood mumble and snarl his way through Gran Torino. My wife and I saw the Buttons thing last Friday night and, about 45 minutes into the movie, he was still an old man. About an hour in, I found myself hoping he would die soon or at least that there would be a car chase or some kind of action. Unfortunately, it would take another two hours for him to regress to infancy and finally die backwards. Okay -- so that might be a spoiler. You knew he was going to die, though, didn't you? And I really don't think it is possible to spoil that movie.

On the other hand, Clint Eastwood's Gran Torino is a gem -- a must see for guys and my wife even liked it. Now I have to warn you, his character is a foul-mouthed bigot. In fact, the R rating comes mostly from some really bad language in the movie -- evidently crusty old war veterans, Hispanic, Black and Hmong street gangs don't say, "Doggone it!" very much at all. Don't take your kids! However, if there ever were some claim that a film required bad language to be taken seriously, it would probably be legit here. Street gangs don't talk nice. At least they didn't when I was accosted by a gang selling drugs back in the late 60s, and I don't think they've cleaned up their act a whole lot since.

I digress. Disclaimers due to bad language aside, there is much to value in this movie. You have a war vet curmudgeon who hates the fact that his neighborhood is changing, that his neighbors are Hmong, and that he has lost his wife. You have a very young priest trying to minister to a guy who doesn't want any part of his ministry. And you have an immigrant family trying to make it in a new world. And you have conversions -- maybe not conversions to Christianity but conversions in the way people think and view each other. And finally -- and I've saved the best for last -- you have some pretty interesting Christian imagery/symbolism. I'm not going to do a spoiler here, but I think your men's group could talk about the end of the movie for a long time -- especially as it relates to Christianity and being a man.

A movie with Clint Eastwood and a shiny, classic Ford Gran Torino has to be a guys' movie! And the bonus -- it's not set in LA or New York!

Have you seen it? What do you think?

Steroids - What Does It Matter?

Is anybody surprised about Alex Rodriguez' steroid revelation? Not me....

While I don't think any individual player was the problem, they were just doing everything possible to win and that is what they are paid to do. Was it stupid? Sure. As far as I am concerned, somebody at the league office was asleep at the switch. I mean, come on! Do you remember the homerun derby between Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa? McGwire looked like a superhero and Sosa wasn't far behind? Where were all the league officials when these comic-book superhero characters showed up on the field? Someone surely noticed.

I am in the camp that would like to put an asterisk on these records - denoting these guys were juiced up. The real casualty is the integrity of the game and - to a certain extent - the integrity of the player. I still think old Hammerin' Hank and Roger Maris are the men to beat.

So, these players went to extreme measures to perform at the highest level; they bent rules and probably damaged their body permanently. These guys are easy to criticize, but isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?

I bet every guy has bent the rules at some point to get the edge.

Life Changing Moment - Marriage

Are you married? I am. How did it happen? I mean how did you come to the decision that this was the right woman? When you asked her, did you spring it on her in the movies where she was completely taken by surprise, nearly panicking at your offer? Or was it something that just seemed to make sense -- a decision that just kind of came about?

Now when she said, "yes," the idea of being married moved from the conceptual to practical, and that's where things can get a little dicey. The wedding is planned. Not since the Normandy Invasion has this much detail been put into any project. Guest lists, the wedding gown, tuxedos, registries, churches, halls, colors, attendants, housing, food, drink, honeymoon, songs, photography, flowers, cake, music, and all other sorts of details are attended to -- all with the goal of everything coming together for the perfect wedding. At some point, I know I and many of my married friends who have gone through the planning stage have entertained the brainstorm of a quick Vegas wedding as a more reasonable option. You know this is true, and don't get all righteous on me. Most weddings are 90% hype. The Women's Entertainment Network even has a whole show dedicated to the problem of the wedding called, Bridezilla

Like I said, I am married. Was the wedding worth it? We let me put it this way -- we got some nice pictures and the wife was happy. When you marry the right woman, life gets better in ways you can really appreciate only after you've been there. You need to put in some time and experience, some bumps along the road. I can't really explain it well. I wish I could, but it's well worth it. You know, it makes so much more sense to me now why God uses the metaphor of marriage to describe His love for us. He calls the Church His bride. Not surprisingly, it is the perfect metaphor. In our limited capacity, we can glimpse the vast amount of love He has for us through the context of marriage. It is and will be better than we could ever imagine.

So how was your wedding? Did you get any surprises? Would you do it the same way? Was it all worth it?

Life-changing Moment - The Move

When did you move? Did your dad get transferred? Are you a military brat, a pastor's kid, or was your own move out of your parent's place the first time you left home? As a kid, you probably didn't have much say in the matter, but at some point in time it was your decision and most of the time it is voluntary. Sometimes out of necessity, sometimes for a better opportunity, but no matter what the reason, a move comes with mixed emotions. Yes, having to move to another house, another city, another state, or even another country changes the course of one's life. Good-bye familiarity. Hello uncertainty.

If there is family involved, the move is even more traumatic. This is especially true if you are the reason for the move. Moving your wife away from her friends (and in most cases, her family) is going to create some angst. Your wife may be completely behind the move, but that doesn't change the fact that you are the reason she is pulling up roots and taking off for parts unknown. And, if you have kids, you're toast. No amount of spin about new schools, new friends, and new opportunities will convince them this is a good thing. Don't even entertain the notion; it's not going to happen. Depending on your child's age, you're going to get anything from long, sad faces mixed with tears to slammed doors and rude behavior. It's quite possible you'll even hear outbursts like these: "You don't care about me!" "You're ruining my life!" "I hate you!"

The children of Israel were not all that happy to leave Egypt. They complained how much better it was back in Egypt and how they really didn't want to be in the wilderness. While you may think moving to the wilderness would be a grand adventure, most of them got bogged down with the journey and missed the joy of anticipating the destination. God gave them a land flowing with riches; they had more than they could imagine and each became happy. The good thing for us on this side of heaven is that most of the time that happens in our earthly moves, too. We get to the new destination and find out how really wonderful it is.

As we move throughout our lives, we can always count on our heavenly Father to be by our side -- guiding, sustaining, uplifting, and comforting. What about you? Did you have to move? How did that work out?

Life Changing Moment - The Job

"Help Wanted" -- what great news those two words are. There comes a time in every man's life when he looks for an opportunity to use his God-given gifts and talents, to earn income, and to accomplish productive work. When that time comes, "help wanted" is a beacon of hope.

"The Interview" -- offers a time for anxiety, self-doubt, and perspiration. For it is in the interview that one must do what one is not used to -- brag. Men are expected to present themselves in the most positive light possible -- never easy, but always necessary.

"You're Hired" -- is cause for rejoicing and celebration. These words mean you are worthy, you are capable, and that someone will actually pay you money to do that which you enjoy doing (usually) -- how great is that? Once a man has been hired to fill a position, he starts to redefine who he is. He now describes himself in terms of his occupation - "I am a plumber." "I am a bricklayer." I am a pilot." "I am a welder." "I am a cowpoke," etc.

Life is changed by the phrase, "you're hired."

In addition to any work or occupation we may have, we have been given another task -- a "mission" if you will. This mission or job we have been given is one that can have eternal consequences. This is a job you never lose. This is a job everyone already has!

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" (Matthew 28:19-20).

What an awesome job that is! The good news is you already have this job and the Holy Spirit gives you the power to do it! How are you doing in your job?

Life Changing Moment - The Car

Independence Day for many teenagers is not the Fourth of July; rather, it's the day they get their driver's license. Better still, it's the day they get their first car.

I know that a guy's first car is something he dreams about, plans around, and works hard for. Each guy holds an image of the ideal first car -- for some it's a Mustang GT; for others it's a jeep, and for others it's some form of convertible -- never mind the brand, just as long as the top goes down. I know for me, the ideal and the real car were a little different -- okay, a lot different. But as homely as the car was, it was my car and my independence.

A guy's first car opens up doors previously closed -- jobs outside the neighborhood, drive-in fast-food places, cruising for dates or just heading out and about with no particular destination. Likewise, the first car came with some other things that must have been in small print -- insurance, maintenance, and gas. Remember your first moving violation? Was it speeding or something mundane like a burned out taillight?

This taste of freedom can be heady for a young male. Ever drive too fast for the road conditions? Get in an accident because you weren't paying attention? You ever drink and drive? Guilty as charged on all counts -- but when you're 18 and invincible, driving and, for that matter, living dangerously is not seen as such.

I am sure most of you know someone who has paid or is paying the price for not treating this freedom with the proper level of respect. The consequences can be devastating and sometimes beyond repair. Some things just can't be fixed.

God gives us the freedom to choose our life paths. And yes, He allows us to make wrong decisions. And yes, He permits us to live away from Him if we choose. And yes, God is always here for us -- always -- no matter what! But unlike our lives here, in His kingdom all things can be repaired.

I am not a fan of bumper stickers in general; preachy religious ones bother me the most. (Somehow I think our God deserves better than a trite, frequently guilt-ridden slogan slapped on some rust bucket, but I digress.) However, there is one that says, "God allows U-turns." If I could change the slogan, it would read: "God loves U-turns." Turning us back towards Him when we've been heading the wrong direction is what He's all about. What was your first car? Ever do a God U-turn?

Man Hugs Creep Me Out

According to information from the Worsley School, personal space is defined as an invisible bubble surrounding you. (And, yes, I am in the camp that finds "personal space" an annoying term.) If people move inside this bubble when they are talking to you, it makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Men and women are different. (How's that for stating the obvious?) A woman meeting an unfamiliar woman will have a smaller bubble than a man meeting an unfamiliar man. Men will only shrink their bubble around people they know very well -- such as a brother, a close friend, or a spouse. Whew! I'm glad I'm not the odd man out.

Churches might want to consider this information when greeting visitors. Pastors who habitually greet all people, including visiting men, with a robust hug might be better off shaking hands. A visiting guy might prefer a simple head nod and smile, instead of a handshake. Invading the bubble too soon can cause problems, especially for guys. (Don't want to invade anybody's bubble too soon!)

If your church does the "sharing the peace" thing, be aware it's likely a time of angst for guys, especially if they're visitors. Being surrounded and converged on by people with handshakes, hugs, or embraces can be plain creepy. We like our bubbles big, ya know?

You prefer a friendly head nod, handshake -- or the "man hug"?