Be There

At the end of the 1963 movie, Cleopatra, Marc Antony (Richard Burton) falls on his sword and is taken to die in Cleopatra's (Elizabeth Taylor) arms. Soon after he dies, Octavian (Roddy McDowall) confronts Cleopatra and demands she return to Rome with him. Cleopatra replies, but never looks up from the floor. Octavian is furious and demands of her that she "look me in the eye!" Over and over he yells, "Look me in the eye!" Each time she glances at him and then turns away.

As I watched this old film I was reminded of the times in my life I was told to look someone in the eye. The earliest memory I have is my Dad setting my down in a chair across from him to discuss the transgression I had committed. I didn't see it as such a big deal. After all, he used those words in anger, why couldn't I? But I sat there, head hanging down, feeling ashamed and hurt for my error.

Dad calmly spoke and wanted me to look him in the eye. As I did I could see he wasn't going to do me great bodily harm. Instead, he was going to share words of forgiveness.

I thought about that day for a long time. Why did Dad want me to look him in the eye? Finally, it dawned on me -- he wanted my full and undivided attention. He wanted me to concentrate and remember his words. He did not want me distracted and inattentive. To this day I am honored when people give me their full and undivided attention, which is usually signaled by looking me in the eye.

Yes, I have been at meetings and have watched people feign attention as they gazed out the window, answered e-mails or texted their friends. I have talked to the back of kids' heads as they watched TV. I have yelled into the other room in an effort to exert my knowledge -- all done to no avail. The window gazers, e-mail texters and TV watchers are not paying attention to me. Sometimes I feel like Octavian and want to scream, "Look me in the eye!"

I want people to be there in the communication process. By "be there" I mean I want to know they are focusing on me and my words, just as I focus on them and theirs. We lament the lack of communication in our modern world, but if we would just be there in our discussions, we would find our communication much improved.

Men, consider what I'm saying. Always be there for those you communicate with. Pay attention. Resist the urge to let your mind wander as you think of your reply. Listen to what they're telling you. The message you may be disregarding for some daydream or another tick off of your mental to-do list, might be something very close to the person's heart you're talking to.

After all, we can all use somebody to talk to every now and then.

Make My Day - Make Their Day

Movie Trivia quiz: What character, played by what actor, in what movie used the phrase, "Go ahead, make my day"?

If you said, "Dirty Harry," played by Clint Eastwood in the movie Sudden Impact you would likely be in the majority. Unfortunately, you would be wrong. It was a Hollywood vice cop played by Gary Swanson, who first spoke the line in the movie Vice Squad. It was Clint Eastwood playing Dirty Harry, however, in the film Sudden Impact that made the line a household phrase. It became so famous that President Ronald Reagan declared, "I have my veto pen drawn and ready for any tax increase that Congress might even think of sending up. And I have only one thing to say to the tax increases. Go ahead: make my day."

Taking the concept of creating a feeling of happiness or satisfaction, many businesses have now incorporated the idea of making one's day into their business plan. They build in strategies to interact with their employees to make their day a little bit better. Businesses have found if employees are happy and satisfied, they are engaged and productive. Employees who have their day made will be eager to come to work and will stay loyal to the company. Companies that strive to focus on their employees find the time and effort expended is reimbursed to them by better attitudes and increased productivity.

Some businesses have expanded the concept of making one's day to include the consumer experience. The Home Depot and Macy's are two stores I am familiar with that strive to make their customers' shopping experiences better. I will often visit The Home Depot just to walk around and take in the sights, sounds and smells of the store. There is something about walking through the lumber aisle that refreshes me. Lately, I've noticed I haven't been able to browse more than a single aisle without a store employee asking me how they can help, what I am looking for or if I am having a good day.

Macy's is a store I walk through in order to get to the food court. Recently, I have been greeted by numerous store employees who smile, ask me how I'm doing and if they can help me find anything. I asked the lady behind the perfume bottle if she could help me find a hamburger, and she pointed to the food court. Now, that made my day.

Guys, Valentine's Day is coming -- fast. I know it's another gift-giving day -- and right after Christmas to boot, but maybe this year we can take a cue from The Home Depot and make the day for our Valentine. Now, we don't need to go overboard, but we do need to put a little thought into the gift. The traditional gifts of candy, flowers and jewelry are nice to be sure, but maybe you need to look for that one-of-a-kind, special gift that only you can give.

That's right. There are some wives (rare as they might be) who really appreciate hockey tickets, gift cards for a hardware store or lumber mill or even front-row seats at the local tractor pull.

Hey, if it makes their day -- why not?

May your Valentine's Day find your unorthodox gift rewarded by a woman who thinks outside the box.

Don't Worry. Be Happy.

Ever since the founding of America, citizens of this country have been seeking happiness. The Founding Fathers wrote in the Declaration of Independence: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

Yes, it seems we all seek happiness in our lives. On one of my recent treks, I thumbed through an in-flight magazine that had this on its cover: "Happiness. It's less elusive than you think. But you might be surprised where we found it." The entire magazine was filled with articles on the importance of happiness and how to achieve it. It even had a quiz for determining how happy you really are. Now there's an obvious relativity to this topic, of course. The guy sipping cognac in first-class must be happier than, say, me, who's finding a small triumph in having just outmaneuvered the person next to me for a piece of armrest.

Naturally curious, I read most of the articles and took the quiz to discover if I was happy. Answering the questions, I wondered just what constitutes being happy? And is it really possible to be happy all the time?

I came to the conclusion happiness is a moving target and that, really, each day is dependent on past events. If I sleep well and just got paid, I typically wake up happier than if I tossed and turned all night trying to figure out how to pay down the MasterCard with my Visa. Recalling a compliment at work makes moving five miles an hour on the highway easier (my mood's better; I'm happier) than seeing red lights everywhere and recounting a mistake somebody pointed out to me in a report.

And what about love? Doesn't being in love equal some sort of happiness? Aren't the two supposed to go together? One would think a long-term marriage would be the partnership of two basically happy people. I would think so too, but I know even that's not always the case. It seems then that asking ourselves if we're happy or not might not be as superficial and silly as it might sound.

Are you happy? I hope so.

I decided that on the whole I am happy with my life and the many blessings I enjoy. If it comes down to material things, I have enough. In fact, I have more than I even know what to do with. If it comes to love, I have my wife -- a beautiful woman who accepts me as I am -- warts and all. Happpiness: maybe it's not as elusive as we think it is. The longer I consider how much I have been blessed, I encounter a state of being happy that runs deeper than I thought. And with it, comes a thankfulness to God, which sweetens the happiness all the more.

I challenge you today: find something to be happy about. Anything. And then take three minutes out of your busy schedule to thank God for that thing.

You'll be glad (happy) you did.

Your Choice

If you were in Seattle, Wash., you'd be in for a treat if you took your cup of coffee and walked over to the Pike Place Fish Market. At this market you can buy fish, see a show and walk away with a smile. The energetic staff at the market lives out a business model that guarantees the visitor a good time. You will be treated to songs, stand-up comedy and may even have to duck a fish as employees sling low-flying fare from the front of the counter to the back for weighing, wrapping and a quick toss back for the customer. The mood is lively and everyone is in good spirits. The fun-loving employees have an attitude -- and it's contagious.

One of the four parts of the successful model practiced by these fish market employees is summed up as "Choose Your Attitude." One employee said it this way: "When I come to work I can choose to be upbeat and have a good time or I can choose to be tired and grumpy. I choose to be upbeat and the day goes by faster."

It sounds too easy, doesn't it? Choose your attitude?

Let's put it to the test.

Suppose there is a long line of female college students at the airport's security check point. Each is somehow unaware the jewelry around their necks, wrists and ankles will get them rejected by the metal detector. This, in turn, requires extra passes through the magnetometer for other metal objects fastened in place but out of view. Behind them seasoned business travelers and other frequent flyers stand sock-footed with their shoes on a conveyor belt, their laptops pulled from their cases and their sundry cosmetic and shaving accoutrement spread out for the world to see. Let's see if choosing an attitude is productive.

Choice One: Veteran travelers can mock and quietly (or not so quietly) insult the mental abilities of college-aged travelers, the state of training of the TSA agents and, in general, put everyone within earshot in a bad mood. (Yeah. That's something I want to have: fellow travelers on an airplane angry before the plane even takes off.)

Choice Two: A traveler waiting behind the girls shares the simple wisdom of taking off all the bling and placing it in the tub he just handed her while securing tubs for her friends; he then steps aside to let the loudest of the complainers go ahead.

This choice brings smiles to the TSA agents, gets the line moving and everyone leaves the security area in a much better mood.

A wise choice? It would seem so.

Now, what about the time when your teenage son calls and tells you "the car's been in an accident"? Will a moment of pause and a decision to choose your attitude be beneficial in this instance? Let's see, you can yell at him, make him feel really bad (not that he doesn't already) and take away his driving privileges, or you can let him know you're thankful he's not hurt, give him a big hug when you see him and encourage him when he gets back behind the wheel -- a wiser and more careful driver.

Guys, choose wisely. There's a lot riding on it.

Don't Do Today What You Can Do Tomorrow?

Just the other day I had a conversation with a friend who shared how he was browsing in a book store and found a book that would help him overcome his habit of procrastination. He told me that he did not buy it, but said to himself, "I'll pick it up tomorrow."

This made me think of that little-known rule of house repairs, "If you can live with it for 30 days, you can live with it forever." I recently was reminded of that when I was inspecting the house before a dinner party, and my wife commented how I needed to change the light bulb above the kitchen table. I was struggling to remember why I had to change the bulb since we just had dinner and I could see my food perfectly fine. Then I glanced at the light fixture, a fan with five bulbs -- four of them burned out. I replaced the four bulbs and noticed I should also wash the windows. I washed the windows and saw I needed to cut the grass. I cut the grass and then needed to trim. You get the picture. I should have turned off the light fixture, lit some mood candles and called it "ambiance."

Yes, I, too, procrastinate. But then again I can always start getting things down tomorrow.

Now, lest you get the wrong idea, if I have a headlight out, I'll get it fixed before I get a ticket, and if the sink backs up, I'll fix it in a reasonable amount of time -- saving me the time it takes to walk to use another sink. But, for me anyway, the more unpleasant the task, the longer I put it off. Sometimes my reasons for delaying the inevitable are creative: perhaps the president will contact me for an important spy mission overseas so that, naturally, my boss will understand if my report is late. I guess that's one holdover from grade school and growing up with snow days -- a pleasant reminder that once in awhile it pays not to study for the test.

As we enter a new year it seems this is as good a time as any to stop procrastination. Part of the benefit of doing now what can be done now is that when an unexpected snow day does come your way, you can use the unexpected gift of time for you personally - - i.e. reading, goofing off or just taking a guilt-free nap.

Doing little things periodically avoids having to face large tasks all at once. We all know if we put our tools back immediately after we use them, we can save lots of time and frustration not looking for them when we need them next. Being an unprocrastinator gives us more time and energy, as well as a faster tax refund!

So, I think I will put off procrastination and organize my tax receipts now -- just as soon as I find them.

Stop the Violence?

It is hard not to feel pain when listening to reports from Arizona about a gunman who took the life of six people and wounded 15 others. Among the victims was a nine-year-old girl who was born on 9-11 and wanted to attend the town hall meeting to meet her Congresswoman. Christina-Taylor Green was well on her way to becoming someone involved in politics, someone who would help lessen the problems of the world, someone who cared. Will you join me in prayer for her and the other victims of this latest tragedy?

After the shooting I listened to the local news report. There were four shootings and one case of reported arson. I did a quick web search throughout the United States and Canada and found numerous instances of shootings and other acts of violence. Teachers report how school children are being bullied; news reports bombard us with acts of violence, and flag-draped coffins continue to be sent home from the war's front. People who used to wave friendly greetings to each other on the highway now see their wave returned with only one finger. Kids who got in trouble and used to lament that their parents would "be mad at them" are now telling their friends they will "be killed." We live in a violent society, and it appears the violence is only increasing.

Some have speculated that part of the growing trend in violence is the enormous popularity of graphically violent video games. Some have postulated it's the weak global economic situation that has created tensions significant enough to spawn violence. Some have suggested that inflammatory political tactics and polices have contributed to the spike in violence. Some conclude the violence stems from the ongoing war on terror and those religious zealots who instigate others toward acting on their hatreds.

While it's easy to say a combination of all these influences makes for a violent society, I offer another idea: could it be the world is irretrievably lost and the above instances simply reflect that grave condition? It doesn't take a university-trained sociologist to tell us the world has got problems -- big problems. While some of our global malaise is due to tanking economies and ignorant political rhetoric and religious fanaticism and yes, even video game violence, those are merely surface tumors on the face of society.

The real cancer goes to the bone or -- to the soul -- in our case: sin. The world is lost and in love with the very enemy who is hell bent to destroy it: Satan. What a sorry, miserable state of affairs.

And so it would be without help from above. "But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ" (1 Corinthians 15:57).

Men, is it time for us to band together and study the Prince of Peace and His plan for our lives? Is it time for us to join together and love God and love our neighbor as ourselves?

What do you think? Is it time?

Taking Down the Decorations

Ah, yes, this is the week of the Christmas afterglow. The frenetic activity and commercial hype of the Christmas season has wound down. Retailers everywhere are slashing prices, eager to move their overburden of unsold holiday inventory out the front door as they hold their "I would rather sell it cheap than count it" sale. And now the moment has arrived: it's time to take down those decorations that were so carefully hung for all to admire just a few short weeks ago.

What is your tradition this week? Do you leave the decorations up until January 6th and celebrate the Epiphany? Do you have an un-decorating party and get the family together to carefully hand pluck and box the ornaments, de-tinsel the tree, and put all the other Christmas figures and knick-knacks away? And what about the lights? Do you wait until those first warm breezes of spring to take the outdoor lights off the roof, or have you made the executive decision that white lights outside look nice year-round? If you do take them down, do you get a family member or neighbor in on the action, or do you fly solo?

No matter what the tradition or procedure is for taking the decorations down it always fills me with a distinct sense of sorrow. When the decorations go up each year, they herald a new season of joy, family gatherings, gift-giving and all the other good will vibes that make the season bright. Each year the approaching holidays promise new opportunities to reach out to those on our Christmas card list we'd like to be closer to but always seem to lose touch with. Sometimes a Christmas reconnection results from giving somebody that "perfect gift" -- one that's remembered for years to come. Sometimes a mental reconnect is made when family or friends who are visiting take in your carefully preserved Christmas decorations -- decorations they might recognize and remember from years ago when they were displayed on your parents' hutch or dining room table. You've no doubt noticed how some of your prized decorations, like museum artifacts that get more valuable with each passing year, prompt certain reactions from those who have seen them through the decades. Each of these decorations contributes to the joy and pleasure of the Christmas season.

But now, this week, it's all different. The last of the leftovers are being eaten and there's not much left at that. The bevy of gifts that covered the skirt below the tree before Christmas has been reduced to a box or two left to be put away or returned to the store for a different model. The house is empty and quiet (though the voices and images of recently visiting family and friends still press firmly on the memory) and everywhere, right where they were put, still hang the decorations.

So it is always with no small tinge of sadness that I dismantle the intricate displays, box up the ornaments, the lights and the Christmas train and store them away for Christmas 2011. I know when I see these decorations again the world will have changed: I will be a year older. My family, job, finances and future will be something other than what they are right now. These thoughts can fill me with a sense of apprehension or a sense of anticipation. I must confess it is usually both. But then I have to remind myself what the Christmas season is all about. As the decorations are coming down and the Nativity figures are going back into their straw packaging, these trinkets are simply reminders of what God has done for each of us at Christmas: He has given us His Son as the greatest gift of all.

May the year-round Good News of Christmas be yours throughout the New Year!