A few days ago, I called the father of my two twenty-something children. For the past couple of years, the kids and I have been celebrating Thanksgiving at his condo in Philadelphia, while Christmas is at my house. I had gotten word through the "grapevine" (a.k.a. my son) that his dad was upset about the possibility that after dinner everyone would leave for their separate dwellings, and then he'd be stuck with the dishes.
"I'll stay overnight and help you clean up," I offered on the phone. (Staying over would not be terribly unusual, since we have continued to celebrate holidays with the kids for the last 13 years.) Although I can't say he accepted effusively, he did seem pleased that someone would be around to help pack up the stuffing and refrigerate the cranberry sauce.
The holidays bring different challenges for everyone. Perhaps you are at the stage of life when you go home for every holiday. Maybe you oversee the three-ring circus that involves taking young children to your parent's house. Possibly you are many miles away from your nuclear family and are spending the holiday with friends. You might even be estranged from your family and looking to spend the holiday in a restaurant or out at the movies.
Though many of us have idealized the way the holiday should be, the fact is that as we get older, our circumstances change. Mine certainly have. There is also a lot that we can't control. Our Thanksgiving holiday has recently included just our nuclear family. But the more people there are around the table, the greater the possibility for volatility.
People who have known you for most of your life may have lost track of how you have evolved over the years. But that can also be one of the best parts of the holiday: bringing them up to date.
In my little tribe, we all happen to share approximately the same political perspectives. But if your family or friends don't, Thanksgiving probably isn't the time to convince them. (Besides, Election Day is over for the year, so there's no point.)
Knowing that one of my kids often brings the drama, I try to mentally strap myself in and prepare for the ride. Maybe you have a sibling or a parent or an in-law like that. A little mental preparation may help you anticipate turbulence ahead.
Overall, I try to be as much in the moment as I can be, and to find reasons to be grateful (okay... later) for those moments when things don't go as planned. After all, those moments make the best stories -- for next Thanksgiving!
What Thanksgiving memories stand out in your mind? Have the family dynamics of your holidays changed over the years? Feel free to share your comments below.
Written by Elizabeth Eisenstadt Evans
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Tuesday, November 27, 2018
Tuesday, November 13, 2018
How to Mentor: Lessons from Eboo Patel
Over the past several years, I have had the privilege of grabbing coffee with Eboo Patel. A social entrepreneur based out of Chicago, Eboo is the founder and executive director of one of the fastest growing and most influential non-profits in the world, the Interfaith Youth Core. From time to time, Eboo and I get together to catch up and talk about what is going on in our lives.
As we've met over the years, I've noticed a pattern in our discussions. Every time we meet, he asks me, "What are your reading?" And usually there is a series of follow-up questions: "What are you learning? How are you applying those lessons?" and so on. During these conversations he always listens intently, offers his own insights, recommends other resources, and encourages self-reflection and growth.
Eboo is a visionary and an entrepreneur, but more than this, he is an excellent mentor for young leaders. As I've observed his interactions with other young leaders, I've noticed that he always asks the questions "What are you reading?" and "What are you learning?" In doing so, I see him modeling three principles I think anyone who mentors leaders should emulate.
First, Eboo encourages people to think deeply. He has a passion for helping people grow as independent and sophisticated thinkers. In a world of tabloid media, Twitter, and blogging, people are bombarded by a lot of junk. Eboo knows that intake is just as important as output-that our minds are shaped by what we read, listen to, and watch. So he takes time to encourage the thoughtful development of those he mentors by encouraging them to read deeply and critically.
Second, Eboo knows that breadth is as important as depth. He is always encouraging people to read from writers who represent a variety of perspectives on various subjects. He believes that in order to be well-rounded and thoughtful, we need to be willing to learn from those who challenge our assumptions. This helps us to appreciate different perspectives and not take our own positions for granted.
Finally, Eboo knows that integration is key. Beyond simply reading widely and deeply, he encourages life application. He challenges people to think about how to apply the lessons they're learning to their own lives and leadership. Leaders are those who learn to apply the knowledge they've gained in a way that shapes not only their own behaviors and practices, but in ways that serve and benefit the communities they lead. Eboo understands this and mentors others with this vital lesson in mind.
So, the next time you are mentoring someone, it might just be worth asking the question, "What are you reading?"
And, is what you're reading changing you?
Written by Nick Price
You can let us know what you think by clicking here and leaving a comment.
You can let the folks at THRED know what you think by clicking here.
As we've met over the years, I've noticed a pattern in our discussions. Every time we meet, he asks me, "What are your reading?" And usually there is a series of follow-up questions: "What are you learning? How are you applying those lessons?" and so on. During these conversations he always listens intently, offers his own insights, recommends other resources, and encourages self-reflection and growth.
Eboo is a visionary and an entrepreneur, but more than this, he is an excellent mentor for young leaders. As I've observed his interactions with other young leaders, I've noticed that he always asks the questions "What are you reading?" and "What are you learning?" In doing so, I see him modeling three principles I think anyone who mentors leaders should emulate.
First, Eboo encourages people to think deeply. He has a passion for helping people grow as independent and sophisticated thinkers. In a world of tabloid media, Twitter, and blogging, people are bombarded by a lot of junk. Eboo knows that intake is just as important as output-that our minds are shaped by what we read, listen to, and watch. So he takes time to encourage the thoughtful development of those he mentors by encouraging them to read deeply and critically.
Second, Eboo knows that breadth is as important as depth. He is always encouraging people to read from writers who represent a variety of perspectives on various subjects. He believes that in order to be well-rounded and thoughtful, we need to be willing to learn from those who challenge our assumptions. This helps us to appreciate different perspectives and not take our own positions for granted.
Finally, Eboo knows that integration is key. Beyond simply reading widely and deeply, he encourages life application. He challenges people to think about how to apply the lessons they're learning to their own lives and leadership. Leaders are those who learn to apply the knowledge they've gained in a way that shapes not only their own behaviors and practices, but in ways that serve and benefit the communities they lead. Eboo understands this and mentors others with this vital lesson in mind.
So, the next time you are mentoring someone, it might just be worth asking the question, "What are you reading?"
And, is what you're reading changing you?
Written by Nick Price
You can let us know what you think by clicking here and leaving a comment.
You can let the folks at THRED know what you think by clicking here.
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