Getting Past Ourselves

Remember this Scripture? "The Pharisees and their scribes grumbled at Jesus' disciples, saying, 'Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?'" (Luke 5:30).

Last week, our men's group was wondering what this verse meant for us as followers of Jesus. What if a homeless alcoholic or a strung-out addict shows up in church next Sunday? What do we do? What happens when that person we've seen with the "spare change" sign wanders in, parking in the last row? Now what do we do?

It seems like Jesus would go right up and start talking with these people. What if we did that? Would we greet the intrusion as a golden opportunity to share a word of welcome or some other kindness? Would we get some grumbling and a few cold stares from those who don't want that kind of person in church? Would that limit our outreach? Would we not even bother?

Or what if one of us found out the two guys next door are a married gay couple? Jesus surely doesn't approve of that choice. But what would He do? Would He shun them to make it clear that they're going the wrong way? Well, we couldn't see Him doing that. We concluded He'd make their acquaintance, stand with them at the fence talking, or invite them over for a beer, and get to know them. We figured He'd work hard to go from a total stranger, with His two cents worth, to a close, trusted friend with priceless words to share.

Then someone in class brought up the instance of a buddy whose grown son is moving in with his girlfriend. The son's mom is all right with it because she loves her son and doesn't want to drive him away. One guy in class felt the mom's decision gave the impression that she condoned this. He said, "I wouldn't be able to approve that choice," but he confided that he wasn't sure if that was the right answer.

After a moment of quiet thought, we looked again at Jesus eating with the tax collectors and sinners. When Jesus associated with a sinner who was going the wrong way, like the Samaritan woman at the well (see John 4), He took time to make it clear that God has a very loving reason for forbidding certain things to us. They may be things we think harmless and innocent, but He knows their destructive potential. The bottom line: He cared too much to keep silent and watch those people bring harm and destruction on themselves, without a warning.

That started us on a discussion of the topic of living together as we examined our culture's view of it. What makes it look so attractive, and why does our culture buy into it? Someone suggested that living together seems sensible, like test driving a car. Actually, from that point of view, we agreed that it seems somewhat naïve and foolish for a couple to wait to live together until they are married. But then we stepped back to look at the heart of marriage from God's point of view. It is a man and woman's commitment to remain together no matter what: "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death parts us." Once we put God's light on it, it was clear that living together is like learning to live in a relationship without any ultimate commitment. It's really a good way to condition ourselves for separation and divorce, instead of marriage.

Suddenly, we saw how we could change a discussion about living together away from a smug, self-righteous attack on a young couple's chosen lifestyle to a heartfelt discussion of genuine love and concern for their well-being. In our eyes, this seemed to hint at what Jesus was doing when He was eating with sinners.

Sometimes stifling the urge to say something righteous is the hardest thing to do. We all get impulses to voice our opinion, especially when we feel the ground we stand on is sure. Nonetheless, no one ever stood on surer ground than Jesus, and apparently even He was open to initiating conversations and launching friendships, even when some form of corrective admonishment might have been in order.

How about you? Do you resist the urge to be overbearing with your opinion, especially in situations where you might not know the parties that well? Do you instead look for openings where conversation might result and the beginnings of a connection can be made?

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Speaking to the Next Generation

Much has been said and written about male influence on the life of a boy or young man. If we're lucky, we know firsthand the positive influence men like our fathers and grandfathers have had in our early years. However, some of us grew up without a dad and, in those cases, there may have been other male mentors who took on that role. For some, it might have been an uncle, while others might have had a high school coach or even a neighbor in that position. No matter who that person was, they were ultimately instrumental in shaping our perspective on what it meant to be a man living out his various roles as husband, son, father, employee, friend, etc.

So we know the importance of boys having male role models. The question then is how can we be that person in the life of a young man without a male in his life?

As was recently pointed out to me, if you spend too much time with boys you may be looked at with some misgiving. And if you go up to children you're not related to or familiar with -- and sometimes even if you are -- you can appear to those who don't know you or the situation, with even sharper suspicion. So how can we effectively be the mentor our young men need, especially if there is no male in their life?

To that question I really don't have an answer. Every situation is different. However, there are some tried-and-true ways to be an influence in the life of a young man that shouldn't cause undue reservation.

One way is to be involved in structured, recognizable youth organizations like the Boy Scouts, Big Brother, and the like. These groups always need reliable men of good character to volunteer to be involved in the life of young men. As a scout leader or big brother, you can share your knowledge and your experience. Your life, words, and actions will also give these juniors a glimpse into what it is to be a masculine leader in today's society.

Many schools today would welcome a male to volunteer in the lives of their students. A visit to the principal's office will give you an idea of how and where you can get involved. For those active in a church, offering to teach at vacation Bible school or Sunday school are two ways you can impart your wisdom to students and enhance their lives.

The real trick to effective mentoring is to consider your strengths and put them into play. What are your aptitudes and interests? What skills or knowledge do you have that would benefit the lives of these young men growing up? How can you make a difference in the situation and circumstances of a younger generation that could learn a lot from you?

Ask around. Consult with other guys who already act as mentors. See what they have to say. There are plenty of ways to get involved and make a difference in the lives of others. You may find your particular talents, skills, and experience are just the right match for someone who's having a tough time navigating his way through the oft-times perilous waters of becoming a man.

Do you have any story (rewarding or challenging) about being a mentor you'd like to share? If so, you can let us know by clicking here and sharing your thoughts.